You received your child’s bar (or bat) mitzvah date. Now what?

Congratulations! Your synagogue has assigned your child their bar or bat mitzvah date, and suddenly, this milestone that seemed so far away is very real. You are likely feeling a range of emotions and the following thoughts may pop into your head:

1. It feels like they were just born. How did we get here so quickly???
2. I remember when it was my bat mitzvah (or bar mitzvah). How am I old enough to be the parent of a bar / bat mitzvah child?
3. Wow. Now I just realized how my parents felt when planning mine.
4. How am I going to pull this off?

The first step is to take a deep breath. You will get through this!

Fortunately for you, unlike when your parents were planning your mitzvah, there is now an online community ready and willing to help with any questions you may have along the way. 

You’ve likely received your child’s bar or bat mitzvah date 18-24 months prior to the big day and while there is plenty of time to get everything done, it’s best to get the big milestones out of the way as early as possible.

Of course, the religious components of the mitzvah are the most important, and you should consult with your synagogue to ensure that they have your child on track to learn everything they need to know for their big day.

The celebration is where you likely need some help. When you were a kid, you may recall that most bar and bat mitzvahs were very similar. While the venues changed from party to party, the structure of the event itself from the entrance music to the candlelighting to the corny t-shirt usually received at the end.

Nowadays, anything goes. Do you want to host your celebration at an indoor trampoline park? Have a party bigger than your wedding that is larger than life? Or maybe something in between?

Step 1 - Decide what type of party you’d like

What kind of celebration fits best with your budget and for your child? Do you want something more traditional or outside the box? Would you like your event at a kids' play place or something more sophisticated? A simple afternoon brunch or a black tie party that ends past your bedtime?

Step 2 - Start a rough guest list

Of course, it is way too early to know exactly who you’ll invite to the party - especially when it comes to your child’s friends - but you do need to come up with a ballpark estimate. The size of your guest list will help to determine which venues can accommodate your group size. Some venues have a small maximum capacity, while others may require a minimum number of guests. Most venues charge per person, so knowing roughly how many people you’ll be inviting will give you an idea of the base cost.

Step 3 - Determine what your budget is

Throwing your child the bar or bat mitzvah party of their dreams is something that every parent strives to do; however, the cost can easily spiral out of control. Try to determine how much you are willing or able to spend in advance, keeping in mind that you will likely go over that no matter how much you try not to. Here is a free DIY Mitzvah budget spreadsheet that you may find useful.

Step 4 - Book your venue

Once you’ve determined what type of party you’d like, schedule appointments to see some venues in person. Get a feel for what they offer and how much they charge. Do they take care of the food as well? Venues fill up very far in advance, so be sure to book yours 12 - 18 months ahead of your party. 

Step 5 - Book a few more big vendors

Much like planning a wedding, there are a few big things that must be done way in advance because the best vendors are in demand. Aside from the venue this includes catering, the band, photographer, and videographer. If you have the budget for a party planner, now’s the time to book that as well. If you plan to DIY, check out DIYmitzvah.com for more helpful tips, resources, and products.

Step 6 - Take a few deep breaths

There are many more things to do, but once you’ve got the above taken care of, you can rest easy for at least a few months. There are so many online resources that can help you both literally and emotionally as you embark on this incredible journey.

1. Download our free Bar & Bat Mitzvah Planning Timeline
   
   
2. There are several free project management tools like Monday.com that help manage tasks and deadlines. Making lists on these tools can be especially helpful during 2am brainstorming sessions that keep you awake.
   
   
3. Join some Facebook DIY mitzvah support groups. Peruse the comments or ask about ANY questions you may have. You’d be surprised how helpful they can be. And while you’re there, if you’ve found this website useful, we’d very much appreciate a shout-out to DIYmitzvah.com!

About DIY Mitzvah

DIY Mitzvah provides bar & bat mitzvah party planning ideas & support, decorations, and swag. A portion of all proceeds from sales of our products including custom centerpieces, dance floor decals, save the date magnets, sign in boards, candlelighting displays, and swag are donated to the Anti-Defamation League (ADL).